Team Building for Avengers
by phantomcat97
Summary: From team mates to friends, and from friends to family. Follow the Avengers through it all, and by 'all', I mean their whimsical day-to-day happenings in the Avengers Tower. This is a collection of funny, fluffy oneshots that have no particular order or point. Enjoy!
1. Team Building

**Author's Note:**** Hello there! This little number popped into my head for no apparent reason, so I wrote it down. Enjoy!**

Team Building for Avengers

…

"I'm going to repeat this so it's clear: You are all gonna get your superhero asses down to Stark's gym and do some _team. building. exercises. _Understand?" The stony face of Director Fury glared at the six people sitting around the table, staring them down until they each nodded grudgingly. "Meeting's done, go home."

With much shuffling and grumbling, the team made their way out. After Fury called "see you tomorrow!" a hastier exit ensued.

…

Each of them had their own floor in the Avengers tower (previously Stark tower, but hey, a team's a team), with the exception of Clint and Natasha, who were sharing-much to the dismay of Tony, who lived on the next floor down. But it didn't matter so much on the nights when Pepper was there with him. The common room was on the ninetieth floor of the tower, and it held the largest kitchen in the building, so it was usually where they gathered for meals, and for movie nights in the extremely large adjoining living room. The gym was at the very bottom of the building (one floor down from Tony and Bruce's lab/workspace), to keep other floors safe from possible exploding arrows, thunder god lightning, hulk-outs, or other miscellaneous disasters that might occur in a room full of superheroes (ahem, mister Tony "flight stabilizers" Stark).

So it was with this room in mind that the Avengers entered their tower, and rode the elevator down to the basement.

"What the hell does he mean? Team building exercises…" Clint muttered, as the elevator dinged past the fifth floor. "Does Fury want us to play tag or something?"

Natasha patted his arm. "Clint, we'll just do a bit of target practice and call it a day."

The elevator doors opened onto the vast gym. The grey cement walls held shelves that were stacked high with every kind of exercise equipment, and the floor was padded with black rubber and foam matting. A room to the right of the elevator held an enormous firing range, and at the back of the gym was a weapons closet (more like warehouse, though). Strictly speaking, the closet was full of more floor mats, but the residents of the tower knew different. There also was _not _a secret safe in the back of that storage room that housed one of Tony's suits, the Captain's shield, Clint's second favourite bow, and Natasha's other set of electro-shock wrist cuffs (secretly called 'the Widow's Bite' by the rest of the team). The group of six stepped out of the elevator, and walked across the mats, their feet sinking into the foam.

"Well, let's head to the range." said Steve, starting towards the door.

They all turned to follow him, but Tony jolted to a halt.

"Wait!" he yelled, quieting the chatter between teammates. "Wait, wait, wait… I've got an idea."

The others exchanged looks of mild confusion while he bolted into the storage closet, and after a minute of metallic clanking, returned fully concealed in his Iron Man suit. The faceplate lifted, and Tony commanded the rest of the group to stay put in the centre of the room while he rocketed into the firing range.

"Tony…?" Bruce called out.

Iron Man hurtled back into the gym, with targets from the firing range clutched in his hands. Hovering near the thirty foot high ceiling, Tony began to fasten the paper target to a clip on a track that was embedded in the cement. He repeated the process with nine more targets in different places across the gym, then returned to the floor in front of the team, only slightly charring the practice mats.

"Son of Stark, what have you accomplished in your strange task?" Thor boomed in confusion.

"Well, I just thought; why don't we spice things up a bit? It's a game now! We all have to try to hit as many targets as possible, using our own weapons, and you can help each other, or block someone else's shots. No holds barred, and anything goes. Sound good?"

Clint rubbed his hands together with a grin on his face, Natasha was unstrapping guns from her jeans as Tony spoke, Steve started towards the weapons store room with a glint in his eye, and Thor was twirling Mjolnir happily.

Bruce, on the other hand, looked slightly uncomfortable. "I'm not sure about this… it could be a bad idea. You know, for you guys."

Tony strode over towards him, and threw his metal-clad arm around Bruce's shoulder. "And _you_ know that's crap, Bruce. You've got total control over the other guy, and the rest of us are here for you, not to mention that a room full of super heroes can handle themselves just fine. There's nothing to worry about, buddy."

"I don't say this often, but Tony's right. You've got this." Natasha said encouragingly.

Clint gave a thumbs-up, Thor clapped Bruce on the back, and Steve grinned at him. "Go for it."

So Natasha, Clint and Steve retreated into the store room to suit up, while Tony, Thor and Bruce hung back on the mats, discussing an alliance. A couple minutes later, the rest of the team exited the warehouse, dressed in their suits and ready for action.

"Alright, let's get started." Tony said. "JARVIS, run program 6.A, please."

"Yes, sir." came the AI's reply.

The targets clipped to the tracks in the ceiling and walls began to move, slowly at first, but they picked up speed. The papers were nearly flying across the enormous room, changing in different directions without any warning.

"GO!" Tony shouted.

Everyone burst into action. Clint aimed an arrow at a target that was whizzing by Tony's head, but he noticed, and lurched forward so that the arrow bounced harmlessly off of his chest plate. Clint had anticipated this, though, and the rigged arrowhead promptly released a cloud of thick smoke, engulfing half of the room in a dark, roiling cloud. Meanwhile, a now Hulked-out Bruce was crashing around the gym, chasing a target that was whooshing through the mayhem. Natasha was crouched, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike, and saw a target that was coming in fast overhead. She called out to Steve, who was nearby deflecting lightning (the by-product of Thor's swinging hammer), and he did a tuck and roll to get closer to her.

"I need a boost, Cap."

He took note of the incoming target, and turned back to her with a smile. "Sure thing, Nat."

He crouched low, holding his shield up for her, and timing it perfectly, Steve pushed upwards with all his strength, and sent Natasha airborne. She grabbed hold of the moving target (hoping it wouldn't tear under her weight), and aimed to put a hole through the centre. In the end, the Widow's Bite set the paper on fire, and Natasha dropped smoothly to the floor before it crumbled all together.

"Point to Miss Natasha." announced JARVIS, over the ruckus in the gym.

A chorus of 'BOO's rang out from Tony and Thor's direction. The Hulk was still distracted with his chase, but he let out a well-timed bellow anyway. Clint and Steve high-fived, which didn't go unnoticed by Natasha, and she flashed them a thumbs-up paired with a grin. In retaliation of the recent defeat, Thor took a flying leap at Steve, who had almost no time to react. He brought his shield up just in time, which was what Thor had been hoping for him to do, and Mjolnir collided with the Vibranium. In Thor's past experiences, this had never failed to knock everything in a hundred foot radius flat, and today was no exception. Slowly and shakily, the six people occupying the room got to their feet, and in their moment of distraction, Tony used the opportunity to make the second score of the day.

JARVIS' voice echoed through the vast gym. "Point to Master Tony."

"Oh, it is _so_ on now." muttered Clint.

….

By the end of the day, there wasn't a single Avenger who's clothes weren't ripped, who's skin wasn't bruised (bar Thor and Bruce), and who wasn't dead-on-their-feet tired. While the sky darkened outside the tower, the team members drifted to their respective floors to shower, and slip into their comfiest pajamas. At around 9:30, everyone wandered into the common room, and settled themselves on the Avengers-length couch. Clint was next to the armrest, with Natasha's head resting gently on his shoulder. Bruce sat beside her, his purple-socked feet propped up on the lengthy ottoman, and Tony's batman-socked feet resting beside them. Thor also had his feet up, and his arms sprawled out across the back of the couch, stretching past Tony's head, and nearly past Bruce's. And ten points to whoever knew why, but the God of Thunder had chosen to buy Avengers pajamas, and was indeed wearing them that very night. Secretly, the rest of the team was a little jealous. Steve sat down last, next to the other armrest, bringing with him six heaping bowls of popcorn (it took him two trips, mind you).

The unanimous movie selection that night was Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. The last line that any of them heard was "no post on Sundays," and the Avengers dropped off to sleep like rocks.

…..

Nick Fury and Phil Coulson (back from the dead nearly four months ago) arrived on the common room floor at ten the next morning. It was quiet, save for the soft music coming from farther into the room. The two men crept quietly down the hall towards the TV room.

"I guess they didn't actually think you were serious when you said that you'd see them tomorrow." murmured Phil.

They continued walking, but stopped abruptly when they saw the… _pandemonium _on the sofa.

"What… the actual… shit." rumbled Fury.

Phil just smiled as if to say, "I'm used to it. You should be too."

The scene on the couch was unlike any other that Nick Fury had witnessed. Clint and Natasha were squeezed together, with her messy red head snug underneath his chin, and their pajama'd limbs a tangle. Bruce was tucked under a blanket, but his head was resting on the ottoman, while his legs and feet (missing a single purple sock) were sticking straight up the back of the couch. Tony was fast asleep with his head on Bruce's upside-down stomach, while his batman'd feet were stretched past Thor's lap and into Steve's. The billionaire genius had a string of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. Thor was mostly in the same position he had started in, only his pajama shirt was ridden up past his belly-button. And was that… popcorn stuck in his messy blonde hair? There was also a one Steve Rogers tucked snugly under the thunder god's right arm, and the Captain's right leg thrown haphazardly over the arm of the sofa. The six of their chests rose and fell in an even rhythm.

"Huh. Team building exercises."

…

**Author's Note:**** Well, there it is everyone! Hope you all enjoyed that :D drop me a review if you want!**


	2. Food Making

**Author's Note:**** Okay guys, I'm just warning you now: this is not going to be regularly updated. It's sort of more a "when inspiration strikes" kind of thing. I mean, I thought this would be a oneshot, ending last chapter, but apparently not… so, yeah, it'll sort of be more of a collection of oneshots-like a scrap book. So keep me on your story alerts, be pleasantly surprised when you get an email, and above all, enjoy!**

…

Breakfadinner in the Tower

Yes, it was nearly ten thirty on that Wednesday night, and yes, he was standing in the kitchen flipping pancakes over a skillet. The man likes his breakfast for dinner, and there's nothing wrong with that.

The pancakes were getting to be that perfect golden brown colour, where just by looking at them, your stomach would grumble. Bruce sighed as he plated the first of four cakes. None of his team mates had been around the tower that day, and he didn't mind admitting that he was getting a little bit lonely. He had had _quite_ enough alone time before he met these guys, thank you very much. He finished plating up his pancakes, and dropped them off in front of his seat at the kitchen island before going to get the maple syrup from the refrigerator. Bruce slid onto the barstool, and poured syrup over the stack of pancakes.

Just as he was about to take a bite, Tony ambled into the kitchen, with that look about him that screamed "I haven't seen sunlight in hours, and I don't know what time it is or how much coffee I've had".

"Hey man," Bruce lifted his hand in greeting. "Where you been all day?"

"Lab." came the distant reply. "I think I almos- are those pancakes?"

"Yeah. Hungry?" Bruce slid the fork and plate in Tony's direction.

After one bite, the billionaire's face lit up. After two, a little colour returned to his cheeks. He tried to speak around his third mouthful, but after no success, gulped it down and tried again.

"These are," Tony said, in an amazed voice. "Literally _the best_ pancakes I've ever eaten in my entire life." He ate another forkful before addressing JARVIS. "Put me on the PA system, please."

"Yes, sir." replied the disembodied voice.

Tony spoke into the empty air. "I don't care where all of you are, or what you're doing, but forget whatever it is and come to the kitchen right now. _You have got to taste this flavourgasm."_

Bruce didn't bother trying to hide his grin, and instead of speaking, began to pull out the ingredients for pancakes. A few minutes later, the elevator opened with a ding, and four pairs of feet clomped down the hall. It looked like it wasn't going to be an early night.

His team members attacked what was left of the first stack of pancakes with a ferocity equal to that with which they attacked their enemies.

"Oh my _fucking _god, that's amazing." was Natasha's response.

"This rivals the food on Asgard, Bannerson. You have my greatest thanks." Thor said, eyeing the pancake that Bruce was currently flipping.

"I can't remember anything ever tasting this good." Steve mumbled around a mouthful.

Clint added his "MMMMMMMGRAAAFFFFFFRRRRGGG" to the list of praise.

On that Wednesday night, Bruce was deemed the Official God of Pancakes.

Over the course of the next hour, pancakes were made and served. And made, and served, and made and served. Tony took his second helping with blueberries in them, and Clint asked for chocolate chips in his. Natasha added a bit of cinnamon to her batch of pancake batter, while Steve sliced a banana into his. Thor managed to sneak a thunder god-sized handful of crushed up poptarts into his pancake batter. After everyone tasted it, a larger batch of poptart pancakes went into the works.

Finally, while everyone was finishing up their last round of the light-as-air deliciousness, Bruce dropped four gobs of plain batter into the sizzling pan. There was a few minutes to wait before he could flip them, so he turned to watch his team members-no,his_ friends, _laughing and eating together. Simple things like that made him smile. Bruce turned back to the pan, and flipped his pancakes over. When they were ready, he slid them onto a plate, and let the golden syrup ooze over the stack. He stood still, closed his tired eyes for a minute, breathed deeply in the pancake-scented air, let the sound of happy laughter block out anything else.

And he felt peace.

"Hey guys," he said, sliding into the chair that Tony had offered. "Tomorrow I'll make spaghetti."

…..

Bruce Banner: genius scientist, enormous green rage monster, world-saving hero, mind-bogglingly good cook.

…

**Author's Note:**** And that's all for now! It was short and sweet :)**


	3. Care Taking

**Author's Note:**** I fucked up a math test really badly the other day, so I decided to write something fun to make myself feel better. That's pretty much the story behind this.**

…

The Earth's Mightiest Heroes Do Not Sneeze

The whole disaster was entirely Natasha's fault.

Tony had tried to stop her from coming into the common room when she returned from the grocery store, but she had fixed him with her best death stare, and he backed down.

But not without trying to make his point again. "Tasha, your eyes are glassy and your nose is red-"

"So what, Tony?" she sighed, flopping down onto the couch. "It's cold and windy outside; I think I'm allowed to show signs of being chilly, don't you?"

"Yeah, but you didn't look this gros-"

Natasha paused in the middle of removing her shoe to look sharply up at him.

"You didn't look this… weird," Tony corrected. "When you came back from yoga this morning. I think somebody got you sick when you went grocery shopping."

"That's ridiculous! I am not sick! I don't get sick, Tony. I don't even sneeze."

The Avengers Tower seemed to have a very astute sense of comedic timing, for at that very moment; an ear-splitting sneeze tore out of Natasha, followed by two more of even greater volume. Tony looked at her, not bothering to hide his smirk and raised eyebrow.

Natasha scowled and stood up. "I'm going to shower and put on my pajamas, and when I get back, I'm going to watch a movie. If you have any problems with that, I'll sneeze on your face tonight while you sleep." And with that, she marched down the hall and into the elevator.

…..

As the sun streamed through the enormous windows the next morning, it lit up a scene of utter chaos. The common room looked like it had been hit by a very large, very sick tornado. The sofa's pull-out bed was extended into the middle of the room, the end of it coming to rest about four feet away from the TV. There were at least twelve different tissue boxes lined up around the sides of the mattress, and a garbage can was placed next to each armrest. Used, balled-up tissues were scattered _everywhere._

And in the bed lay not one, not two, but _three_ sick Avengers.

Natasha, who had been running a high fever, was curled up and sleeping covered in four blankets and a sweater, closest to the left side arm rest. Tony was on the right hand side of the huge bed. He had been the second one to get sick, but not because Natasha had followed through on her promise. It was just the fact that they had been breathing the same air, or _maybe_ he had accidentally taken a sip of her hot chocolate. And finally, sandwiched in between them was Clint, who was beginning to look a bit feverish as well. He had been at the firing range testing out some new arrowheads when Natasha had left for the grocery store, and hadn't resurfaced until late in the evening. He had walked down the hall from the elevator and into the common room, where Natasha was lying on the couch, in the middle of watching "Love Actually". Clint came up behind the sofa, and dropped a kiss on her lips before anyone could warn him. Tony groaned and did a facepalm, while Natasha just shook her head, saying that he had better go and put on his pajamas.

So there they were the next morning, the three of them curled up together in the massive pull-out bed, with the credits of "Inception" playing in the background. Bruce, Steve and Thor had been caring for their sick friends over the course of the evening, and were now taking some much-deserved rest while the others were fast asleep.

….

It was almost eleven when Bruce got up. He rode the elevator down to the ninetieth floor still in his pajamas, wondering why the tower felt so chilly, and walked quietly into the kitchen, not wanting to disturb his three sick friends. He made a beeline for the coffee machine, but slowed his walk down when he noticed a mug with dried hot chocolate around the rim. Instantly, Bruce got a craving, so he pulled out a pot from one of the numerous drawers, and took out milk, sugar and cocoa powder. He set to work making the drink, but jumped slightly when Natasha spoke quietly from the couch.

"Hey Bruce? Do you think you could make me some too?"

He looked over his shoulder at her, and smiled sympathetically at her scratchy throat. "Sure." he replied softly.

After about five minutes, he walked slowly to the couch with two mugs of steaming hot chocolate, one in each hand. He reached Natasha's side, and held a mug out to her, which she accepted gratefully. As Bruce turned towards the armchair, Natasha reached out and caught his empty hand, frowning.

"Uh oh," she murmured. "You feel really warm."

He shook his head. "I'm actually kind of chilly. Oh…"

Natasha dropped his hand, but addressed JARVIS quietly. "JARVIS, please tell me Doctor Banner's internal temperature, and please tell it to me at a low volume."

"Doctor Banner's internal temperature is one hundred and two degrees Fahrenheit." the AI answered softly.

Natasha twisted around and carefully placed her mug on the table behind the sofa, then shifted herself closer to Clint. She patted the space to her left, and Bruce climbed in, after setting his mug down on the table with a resigned sigh. His three rapid-fire sneezes sealed the deal.

Tony was still out cold, but the Hulk-volume sneezes were enough to wake Clint up, and he bolted upright and looked around. When he realized that there was no immediate threat, he sighed and slouched back against the couch, not enjoying the feeling of his aching muscles and oncoming fever.

"Morning sleepy head," Natasha croaked with a smile. "How're you feeling?"

"'Bout the same as you, probably." he answered, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

She handed him the mug that she had been sipping from. "Want some?"

Clint nodded and took a gulp, and the hot chocolate instantly soothed his throat. "Mmm. Who made this?"

Natasha pressed further back into the couch so that he could see Bruce around her blanket cocoon. "The guy blowing Hulk-sized boogers out of his nose."

Both men burst out laughing at that, but it quickly turned into a coughing fit, and _that _happened to be enough to wake Tony up.

"Ohhhh," he groaned. "My head feels like it might explode."

"Try to go back to sleep, Tony." Natasha said gently.

"Easy for you to say." He grumbled while wriggling into a sitting position.

After a sip of Bruce's hot chocolate, he became a bit less grumpy.

To pass some time, they decided to watch a movie. And, after a moment of debating, which no one really had the energy for; they settled on "Sherlock Holmes".

A few minutes in, Clint said "Hey Tony, the guy playing Sherlock kind of looks like you."

…..

The movie was just about done when Steve strode into the kitchen, a shopping bag in each hand. He kicked off his shoes, and removed his leather jacket, then started towards the couch to see if anyone was awake.

"Aw, not you too, Bruce!" Steve exclaimed upon seeing the doctor curled up in bed.

"What can I say?" he shrugged.

Steve moved down the lineup on the couch, feeling everyone's forehead as he went. "Well, you're all running fevers. Do you have any medication that will lower them?"

"Nah. We ran out last night." Tony said with a cough.

"Great. That aside, is anybody hungry?"

"Ohh," said Clint, nodding vigorously. "Yesss."

The other three nodded in agreement, and when Steve went back to the kitchen to unveil what was in his shopping bags, a collective and croaky "Yaaaay" arose from the sofa.

"Where'd you get it?" asked Bruce curiously.

Steve poured the two jars of chicken soup into a large pot and turned the stovetop on. "There's a small deli a few blocks away. I tasted this stuff there, and it's _really_ good."

"Steve?" Natasha craned her neck to look at him with unintentional puppy-dog eyes. "Will you make noodles too?"

"Sure thing, Nat."

"Thank you."

A while later, Steve finally remembered to call Thor to come down to the common room. When the god arrived, he apologized for sleeping so late, and immediately volunteered to ferry the soup from the kitchen to the patients on the sofa. Steve told them that before they could eat, they had to get up and move around to stretch their muscles, so the four of them got out of bed, and walked around the sofa, then settled back under the covers in a new order.

This time, Tony was on the far left, with Bruce to his right. Then came Natasha, and then Clint on the far right. Steve then allowed Thor to dole out the bowls of soup, which were eagerly accepted by four pairs of waiting hands. A chorus of "Thanks, Steve, thanks Thor" resounded from the couch. And then cries of "Dear god, that's delicious".

While everyone was slurping up their soup, Thor and Steve sat at the counter enjoying their own bowls as well.

"This dish you have acquired is quite enjoyable, friend Steve."

"Yeah, I like it too, Thor."

They finished the rest of their soup in friendly silence, which was broken a few minutes later when Tony's voice floated over from the couch.

"Thorrrr, we're colddd."

"Coming, friend Tony!"

And before anyone could say another word, Thor was striding towards the couch, kicking off his shoes, and sliding happily underneath the blankets in between Bruce and Tony. They immediately snuggled up to him, enjoying the god's space heater-like qualities.

Steve chuckled at the sight of three grown men cuddling, but he knew about the bonds you felt as a team. And that was when he realized that he would do just about anything for those five people lying on the pull out bed, sneezing, coughing, and sweaty or otherwise. He collected the six empty soup bowls and dropped them off in the sink to be washed later, and then made for the armchair.

"Hey, Cap, don't feel left out," Natasha said, waving him over. "Come lie down. You could use a break."

Without giving it another thought, Steve crawled onto the bed and took the spot sandwiched between Tony and Natasha. They all settled back into the cushions, Bruce and Tony each tucked under one of Thor's massive arms, and wrapped in a red and yellow polka-dotted blanket, with Steve in the middle of the couch, half under that blanket, and half under the purple one covering Natasha, with his legs crossed at the ankles. He grinned when she stuck her icy toes between his calves, and continued to grin when Tony's equally cold feet slid between his knees. Clint was enveloped in his own navy blue blanket, because he was lying back with his head on Natasha's lap while she ran her fingers through his hair peacefully.

"Anyone mind if I choose the movie?" Steve asked. When no one objected, he spoke again. "JARVIS, "The Wizard of Oz", please."

...

The whole disaster was entirely Natasha's fault.

…..

**Author's Note:**** Done! Feeling much better now! Review if you want :)**


	4. Song Singing

**Author's Note: ****Okay, so I may have watched **_**Chicago**_** last night, and I may have loved it, and I may have made it the focus of this chapter.**

**I **_**may**_** have.**

**p.s. if you've never heard **_**The Cell Block Tango**_**, you should listen to it before you read this, or while you read it.**

…**.**

If You'd Have Been There

If you'd have seen it….

You wouldn't have believed it.

…..

The movie last night had been "Chicago". Everyone had enjoyed it thoroughly, and the undisputed favourite musical number was "The Cell Block Tango", which no one could seem to get out of their head for the rest of the night. Six renditions of the song were hummed while some got into their pajamas, while some brushed their teeth, and while some half-danced around their rooms, looking for their glasses (cough, cough, _Bruce)_.

…

Steve stood in the kitchen the next morning, waiting for the coffee to brew. He leaned against the counter, holding an empty mug and a spoon, and remembering how much fun last night had been. Unconsciously, he began to clink the spoon against the empty mug.

'_clink, clink'_

'_clink, clink'_

Thor arrived on the ninetieth floor a few minutes later. He wandered into the kitchen, and found Steve leaning against the counter.

"Morning Thor." '_clink, clink'_

"Good morning, Steve." As Thor walked around the island to the cupboard that held his poptarts, he instinctively tapped a foot on the floor in between each set of Steve's _'clink'_s.

'_clink, clink'_

'_thud'_

'_clink, clink'_

'_thud'_

"Hey guys." Natasha greeted the two of them as she walked into the kitchen, accompanied by Clint, who waved at Steve and Thor. Clint settled into a chair at the island, and Natasha opened the fridge, trying to decide what to eat.

'_clink, clink'_

'_thud'_

'_clink, clink'_

'_thud'_

While she stood there, the fingers holding the refrigerator door open began to tap without her realizing. The _'rattat' _of her nails on the handle was added into the mix of sounds.

'_clink, clink'_

'_rattat'_

'_thud'_

'_clink, clink'_

'_rattat'_

'_thud'_

Tony and Bruce walked out of the elevator, still talking about their latest project. When they arrived in the kitchen, the two men greeted the rest of the group before sitting down on either side of Clint at the island. Natasha pulled a Tupperware container full of grapes out of the fridge, and shut the door with her hip. As she strode over to the counter, and hopped up to sit on it, she continued to '_rattat' _on the lid of the container with her nails while she ate. Natasha slid the container across the counter to Clint, and he continued the '_rattat'_ on the side of the Tupperware.

"Hey guys…" Steve said, looking around at his friends. They all gazed back at him questioningly.

'_clink, clink'_

'_rattat'_

'_thud'_

"Pop." Steve said with a grin.

'_clink, clink'_

'_rattat'_

'_thud'_

Surprisingly, it was Thor who caught on first. "Six!"

The sound effects continued in between their speaking parts.

"Squisshh." Natasha said silkily.

"Uh uh." Bruce joined in.

"Cicero." Tony purred, imitating Catherine Zeta-Jones.

"Lipschitz!" Clint growled, slipping totally into the character.

Without a single break in the rhythm, every person in the room leapt up and began to belt out the first verse in perfect unison. _"He had it comin'! He had it comin'!" _Natasha and Clint did the waltz past Bruce and Tony, who were singing as loud as possible, and slowly circling around each other in the middle of the kitchen. Steve and Thor went by in the other direction, singing their hearts out while tangoing towards the stove. _"He only had himself to blaaaame!" _At the next bit, everyone jumped to a stop, and threw an arm out, pointing at someone else across the room. "_If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it," _on the second _"you"_, everyone whipped out the opposite arm and pointed at someone new. _"I betcha you would have done the __**same!"**_

Everyone in turn got to sing the part that corresponded to their word, all the while dancing around the kitchen with a partner, and each verse changing to a different companion. Steve threw himself around the kitchen making odd, wiggly motions with his body, and then picking up Natasha (the lightest of the group) and swinging her around. Thor, during his turn, did the same thing with Tony, making everyone laugh for a good five minutes. Natasha, who was the only one who managed to look graceful, did an incredible routine to go with her singing, which involved her dancing with Clint, and near the end, pushing his shoulders down so his knees bent, and then kicking her leg impossibly high and swinging it over his head. Bruce did his entire part in flawless Hungarian, which everyone was very impressed with and finished by locking hands with Thor, and swinging under and through the god's spread-apart legs. Tony poured his heart and soul into _attempting_ to dance like Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Clint did an inspiring delivery of the classic 'jazz hands'. And when the last repetition of the chorus came around, Thor and Steve both jumped up on the counter and did an encore of their incredibly awkward tango from earlier, all the while blasting out the words at full volume.

The big finish was as loud as possible.

"_You pop that gum one more time…"_

"_Single my ass…"_

"_Ten times…"_

"_Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe…"_

"_Number seventeen, the spread eagle…"_

"_Artistic differences…"_

"_I betcha you would have done the same!"_

Everyone threw their hands in the air at the end, and shook them while sliding around the room using their socks as skates. The six friends then collapsed onto the floor, breathing heavily and laughing uncontrollably.

"That was the most fun I've had in a while!" Steve said breathlessly, clutching his side.

"Agreed," Thor nodded; actually sounding a bit tired himself. "We must watch more of these musical films."

Four thumbs shot up from the rest of the group, who were spread out on either side of Thor and Steve, and lying on their backs. A while later, when everyone had gotten their breath back, the six of them were sitting at the island again, chatting amongst themselves.

"Tony," Steve said, leaning back in his chair so he could see the other man at the opposite end if the counter. "How long does coffee take to brew?"

"About five minutes." Tony answered, also leaning back so they could see each other. "Why?"

Steve looked absolutely puzzled at that. "I put the machine on before anyone else got here. It's been almost forty five minutes now!"

Tony's eyebrows shot up, and he whipped his head around to look at the coffee maker sitting on the other counter. Suddenly, he burst out laughing. "Steve-" he tried to continue, but another wave of laughter shook him. Everyone else was paying attention at this point. Tony wiped his eyes and tried again. "S-Steve, you turned the thing _off, _not _on!_ JARVIS does it automatically every morning, and when you got down here you shut it off!

"Well, how was I supposed to tell what it was doing?"

The rest of breakfast continued on without any mishaps, and the remainder of the day passed normally while the tower residents read, worked, napped or otherwise, with the added bonus that everyone was in a great mood.

That night, as Steve was getting ready for bed, he caught himself humming "When You're Good to Mama".

….

**Author's Note:**** So that's done! Hope everybody enjoyed :) I just love making people do silly things, don't you?**


	5. Tower Exploring

**Author's Note: ****Long time, no see! I guess you all liked the **_**Chicago**_** chapter, huh? ;D It's crazy how many people have followed and favourite this story, so I'd just like to say a big thanks to all you guys! And a special thank you to everyone who's taken the time to review! It really means a lot to me to get feedback from everyone. On to the story!**

…**..**

Uncovered Undiscovered Secrets of the Tower

The Avengers Tower was large and confusing place, there was no question about it. Even Tony wasn't completely sure what some of its floors had to offer. So when the first sticky note appeared, it became the gateway to a whole new way of doing things in the tower.

…

Clint stepped into the elevator on the main floor of the tower, looking for the button to his and Natasha's floor. "One-oh-one, one-oh-ah!" he muttered to himself, going for the button with a satisfied smile.

Clint was never very graceful unless he was jumping from a rooftop, so it was _almost_ no surprise when he stepped on his untied shoelace; effectively tripping himself and sending him face-first into the button panel. With a grunt, Clint pushed himself off the floor, exceedingly glad that nobody was in the elevator with him at that moment. He counted it as lucky that his face only managed to press one of the buttons on the way down, and rubbed at his sore nose, wondering why there were no 'cancel' buttons on elevators. Clint selected the proper floor, and then eyed the other lit up button thoughtfully, wondering just _what_ was on the fifty third floor of the Avengers Tower. He waited patiently, leaning against the wall listening to the consistent '_ding'_ of the elevator.

A few moments later, it slid to a stop, and the doors chimed open onto the fifty third floor.

"Wha-?" Clint gazed out of the elevator doors, bewildered at the sight before him. He was just _too _curious not to explore this.

He exited the elevator, and walked slowly into the room, staring around in amazement. This entire floor of the tower appeared to be a maze-like arrangement of huge, floor-to-ceiling…

Fish tanks.

Yeah.

Clint was thoroughly impressed. It was actually very beautiful, seeing the hundreds, maybe thousands of colourful, tropical fish, of all varying shapes and sizes, meandering around the tanks, and through the alien-looking coral structures, poking in and out of the gently swaying plant life. He ambled unhurriedly around in the maze, taking in all the details of what he was seeing. Some of the fish he recognized, and there were even a few that he could put a name to, but the vast majority of them remained a mystery to Clint. And it wasn't just fish, either. There were starfish scattered around all of the tanks, along with hermit crabs and snails, which were stuck on the glass walls. He caught a glimpse of tentacles occasionally, poking out from crevices between rocks here and there. An evil-looking eel glowered at him from inside a small cavern under a coral structure. Clint shuddered and moved on quickly.

Altogether, he probably spent about two hours wandering on the fifty third floor, and when he finally found the elevator, Clint vowed that he would return next week. At last, he stepped out and onto the one hundred and first floor. After making up his mind, he walked quickly to the table at the end of the hallway, and groped around in the drawer until he found what he was looking for. He scribbled a simple drawing onto the small orange sticky note, and then scooted back to the elevator, hoping he could catch it before someone else needed it. Clint pressed the button to call it to his floor, and grinned triumphantly when the doors opened almost right away. He slipped inside and quickly pressed the sticky note onto the button panel, into the space above the fifty third floor, and under sixty third. The arrow that he had drawn under his picture of a fish was pointing to the dimly glowing 53.

Just before the doors closed, Clint jumped out, and went to his room to have a shower, feeling very pleased with the day's discovery.

…

By the next afternoon, the other five, and Pepper, had been given a tour of the newly-dubbed "Fish Floor". Thor was enamoured with the colourful creatures, and made a point of it to tell everyone so. Repeatedly. No one really minded, though, because they were just as mesmerized and stunned by what the tower had to offer.

That night at dinner, Tony made his first unanimously-agreed upon, very affable suggestion. "We need to explore the tower, guys! Think of what else we might find! I have no idea what's going on between seven and seventy. What's there to lose?"

Bruce nodded approvingly. "I like that idea. It's getting a little stuffy only living on two floors. Well three, I guess, if you count the lab."

"Yeah," Natasha replied. "It can't hurt to see what else is going on around here."

"Will there be more of these 'fish', friend Tony?" Thor asked, a hopeful look on his face.

"I dunno, buddy. There might be something even better."

"What could possibly be superior to 'fish'?" the god scoffed, directing his question at Steve.

The Captain just shrugged, looking amused.

….

That night after dinner, they went exploring in the tower. Tony chose the floor, closing his eyes and jamming his finger down on the first button he felt.

"Floor number twenty nine," Bruce announced to the rest of the elevator. "Here we go."

"And good luck to us all." Clint muttered under his breath.

Everyone shifted around restlessly, unable to stand still with excitement. The floors ticked down agonizingly slowly until finally the little screen read **29**. The doors slid open, and the Avengers' collective jaws dropped.

The whole entire floor: _filled with_ _costumes._

"_Why is this even here?"_ said several voices at once.

"Uh..?" was Tony's answer.

The rest of the night was spent trying on various costumes. Eventually it came down to a contest of who could find the most ridiculous outfit. Clint paraded around in a Victorian-era dress with Steve on his arm dressed like a banana. Bruce pushed through the racks of clothing dressed like Dumbledore, complete with pointy hat and wand. Everyone broke into fits of giggles when Tony sashayed into view wearing a pink unitard and tutu. The effect was enhanced somewhat by his hairy legs and the tiara perched atop his head. In the end, however, it really boiled down to Natasha and Thor. The god had entered first, decked out in a fuzzy purple unicorn suit. Everyone immediately dissolved into hysterical laughter. It only intensified when Natasha came out wearing a huge stainless steel bowl on her head, a shiny blue jumpsuit, and two pool noodles where her arms should have been.

…

After that night, sticky notes of every shape, size and colour began to appear regularly on the button panel in the elevator. Each one had its own unique sketch on it-a music note, various art materials, what appeared to be a large gob of glitter glue, and one that looked suspiciously like an elephant. There were some normal ones too, like a swimming pool, or a stack of books. But no matter what, each floor had a new experience to offer, which was the best part of the whole thing.

Clint still liked the fish floor most of all.

…

**Author's Note: ****Done! Hope everyone liked it :)**


	6. Holiday Celebrating

**Author's Note:**** Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a nice holiday season and whatnot. This is, of course, the obligatory "holiday chapter" (a little late, because really, when do I ever get things done on time?). So, hooray for that, and I hope everybody enjoys it!**

In the Spirit of the Season

The holidays in the tower turned out to be a relatively quiet affair (by the Avengers' standards, anyway). In Steve's opinion, their celebrations that year held a special place of honour next to those he had as a child. Meaning, in Tony's words, that they had been "really fucking awesome".

…..

Bruce and Thor, not having spent that much time together, decided that they would go and get the Christmas tree together, very early in the season. Like, on December third early. In Thor's defence, it was pretty much his first Christmas ever, and he was really excited. And honestly? So was Bruce.

That day, they left the tower at around nine in the morning, and returned some time after seven at night, carrying with them the biggest tree that anyone had ever seen. Natasha was the first one to spot the two snow-dusted men grappling to get the ten-foot tree out of the elevator (how they had managed to squeeze it _in_ was anybody's guess). After a few minutes of valiant struggling, the monster tree spilled out of the confined space and into the hallway. Thor and Bruce were engulfed in a sea of swatting branches and green bristles that somehow found their way up the god's nose. Natasha sat comfortably on the couch in the common room, sipping her tea and watching the spectacle unfold. When the elevator arrived again a few minutes later, Steve, Tony and Clint walked out, and straight into the ridiculously huge tree.

"Jesus!" Clint exclaimed while trying to extract his foot from a snare of branches.

"My sentiments exactly," Tony said, mourning the loss of his coffee that was now a growing stain on the carpet.

Steve tried to communicate with Bruce, who was buried underneath the tree. Thor was otherwise occupied in trying to fish the greenery out of his nose. Eventually, the five men began to manoeuvre the Christmas abomination into a position that would better allow them to carry it into the living room. Natasha continued to smirk behind her mug. Together, the male Avengers wrestled it down the hallway and into the living room, leaving a trail of fallen bristles in their wake. Carefully, they shifted the tree into a standing position, and held it up while Natasha finally gave in and decided to be helpful. With a bit of quick thinking, she devised a stand out of several heavy books, two weapon storage containers, and a rolled-up table cloth. Not conventional, but very functional. With the tree standing under its own power, the Avengers stepped back to admire their handiwork. For all the bumps and shaking that it underwent, the tree still looked pristine, standing in their living room between the fireplace and windows.

"So now we have to decorate it." Natasha said, planting her hands on her hips.

"Yep." Bruce replied.

Tony and Clint high-fived, but their grins turned to looks of confusion when they tried to pull their hands apart.

"Hey, what-"

"Can you-?"

Defeated by the evils of tree sap.

…

The next day, a menorah made its appearance in the living room.

"Whose is that?"

"Mine," Tony replied to Steve as he entered from the kitchen. "My mom was Jewish."

"Oh, okay." the Captain said. "It's nice."

The billionaire smiled. "Thanks."

Natasha and Clint then shuffled into the room, each holding a large square box.

"We went shopping." Clint said as he placed his box on the floor beside the bare tree.

Natasha nodded and settled cross-legged next to the boxes. She flipped hers open, and pulled out a shiny golden ornament for the others to see.

"JARVIS," Tony said, directing his attention at the box of tinsel Clint was opening. "Call the others down here. And Pepper, too."

"But sir, Ms. Potts has asked to not be dist-"

"Trust me, JARVIS. She'll want to be here."

"Of course, sir." came the AI's reply.

In the time it took for Tony to travel to the basement and back (with a newly dusted-off cardboard box), everyone else had arrived in the living room. They all sat on the carpet, carefully unpacking the ornaments and tinsel from their boxes. It looked like Pepper didn't mind being disrupted after all, because she was right there with everyone else, chatting easily to Natasha while they worked. Tony made his way over to them, and planted a kiss on Pepper's forehead before sitting down with his own box.

"What is that, friend Tony?" Thor asked curiously.

"Lights," he answered, holding up a string of them proudly. "They're just plain white, but I think they'll do the trick."

"As long as it's not that really bright blue-y white." Bruce said. "I don't like those."

Tony laughed. "Nope. We're good on the non-blue-y front."

For the next couple of hours, they decorated the tree while a variety of classic rock songs played in the background. The ornaments, all shiny and round, came in deep hues of gold, green, red and blue, and were hung in random placement all around the tree. The tinsel-also gold-was intertwined with the lights by Steve's genius suggestion, and then strung up to circle around the braches until it reached the top of the tree. By the time they finished, the sky was dark and snow was falling generously onto the city below. The seven of them sat on the couch to admire the tree, sipping the hot chocolate that Bruce had made.

"Should we light it up?" Tony asked excitedly.

"Hell yes!" Clint answered immediately, almost bouncing in his seat.

Thor nodded vigorously. "I agree with friend Clint."

"Okay then! JARVIS, switch on the lights please."

"Yes, sir."

The general lights in the living room dimmed, which drew their focus to the tree. The golden-white glow of the lights reflected off of the tinsel, making it twinkle and shine with any movement. The ornaments caught the light, and threw it back into the room in dots of red, gold, blue and green. It really was a sight to behold, and an awed yet content silence settled over the room.

"The only way that this could be better," Steve said quietly. "Is if the AC/DC was turned off."

An elbow was then directed at his ribs.

….

In the following days, presents began to appear underneath the tree, all of varying shapes, sizes and wrapping paper colours. For seven nights, Tony lit his Chanukah candles, and then decided to save the last round for Christmas Eve. The smell of baking filled the air for most of the month, mostly thanks to Bruce testing out new recipes and new ways to get his friends fat (or so Clint complained while reaching for another cookie). In general, everyone was getting into the seasonal spirit.

When Christmas Eve finally rolled around, it found the Avengers (plus Pepper), engaging in a holiday feast. Bruce had spent hours cooking the best turkey in the universe, and Natasha the most decadent chocolate cake anyone had ever tasted. Tony and Pepper had been in charge of a side dish, and between the two of them (and ignoring Tony's dysfunction in the kitchen), they had managed to whip up an enormous batch of delicious mashed potatoes. Steve had done some seasonal vegetables, and bought a fresh loaf of bread from his favourite deli, because baking was decidedly _not_ his specialty. Thor and Clint, meanwhile, had been charged with the table setting, because they kept on trying to sneak food from the kitchen while no one was looking. Natasha, in Clint's opinion, should have been the one called Hawkeye.

Finally, all the food was ready, and the table deemed acceptable by both Pepper and Bruce. The friends all sat down to dinner while the snow fell outside. Inside, their world was warm and cozy in the glow of candlelight and laughter. Dinner was a raging success by everyone's standards, even counting the incident of a gob of mashed potatoes landing in Bruce's lap. The only problem was that Tony was laughing so hard that he nearly choked on whatever he was trying to chew, and no one would have noticed because they were all busy laughing just as much. Dessert went equally well, as was proven when Natasha's cake disappeared in less than twenty minutes (largely thanks to Clint and Thor, who had been eyeing it all afternoon). After all the dishes were cleared away and cleaned, everyone settled on the couch to watch movies. It took a while, but eventually they all decided on a double feature of the two _Home Alone_ movies.

Time ticked on as the first, then second movie finished, and as the fire crackled down to embers, and the crunching of sugar cookies turned into comforting background noise, many of the Avengers fell asleep. Last to drop off was Tony, whose heavy eyelids shut while watching the last of the Chanukah candles burn down.

…..

The list of presents given and received was a very long one, but the most memorable was the gift of six pairs of Avengers pajamas that Thor put under the tree that year.

**Author's Note:**** So there it is! I hope you all found that very warm and fuzzy and good, because that's what I was going for! Thor's gift might not make sense, but if you go back to near the end of the first chapter, then you'll get it :) Happy belated holidays everybody!**


	7. Suit Fixing

**Author's Note:**** Well, the break from school is over, and I'm not terribly excited about that. Like, not even a little bit. Anyhow, it's great to be hearing from all of my readers, and the follows and favourites just keep coming! The Christmas chapter was a **_**smashing**_** success, if I do say so myself :D And now back to your regularly-scheduled shenanigans!**

I-R-O-N-M-A-N Spells "Trouble"

Pepper is not allowed to come up to the common room after the Avengers have finished training exercises.

It causes her too much stress.

….

"_Tony!" _Pepper yelled after stepping out of the elevator. "Your gauntlet is burning a _hole_ through the carpet!"

True to her word, the offending metal glove was lying face-down in the cushy cream-colored carpet, and a steady stream of smoke was curling out from under it. Warily, she made her way over to it, and used the nose of her shoe to turn it over very carefully until the (most) dangerous part of the gauntlet was no longer in contact with the floor. Pepper merely huffed when she received no reply from her boyfriend, and followed the sound of grunts and struggling into the living room.

Tony was in the middle of the room, in the space that a few armchairs (now hastily shoved out of the way) usually occupied. He was balanced precariously on his right foot, the left one lifted in the air and in the godly grip of Thor. Clint and Natasha stood behind the billionaire, prepared to catch him if he happened to slip out of the god's grasp, while Steve kneeled beside Tony's right leg, fiddling with something in the hip panel of the metal suit and looking puzzled. Bruce was crouched under Tony's left knee examining a loose wire, taking advantage of the opportunity while Thor held the leg up. All of them were still wearing their uniforms, signaling to Pepper that their training exercise had come to an abrupt and unplanned end.

"Hey Pep," Tony greeted when he noticed her standing in the doorway. "It's not as bad as it looks, I promise. There was an unfortunate Mjolnir…_situation_." He gestured to the dent that took up a large portion of his chest plate and thigh. "Everything is mostly under control n- _OW!_ Sonofa-"

Thor winced at the outburst, and instantly jerked his hands away from Tony's foot. "My deepest apologies, friend Tony!"

"TH-! NO NOO N-WHAAAA!"

Tony's arms were twin windmills as they flailed around trying to restore balance. Clint and Natasha rushed forward in the nick of time and thrust their steadying hands under his armpits, saving him from an untimely carpet burn. Bruce scooted out of the way as they brought him to a standing position. Pepper tried and failed to smother a grin, because her boyfriend was stuck in something similar to the splits, and it was pretty hilarious.

"You okay?" Steve asked, looking up at Tony.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. But I still can't move most of my body."

Thor leaned down to pick up Tony's foot again. "I apologize once more, friend Tony. I did not mean to harm you." He then continued to search for a way to release the boot.

"It's not a problem buddy, really. This is actually helpful, because now I know what I need to fix in the next suit. So, yeah. Helpful!"

Bruce and Steve returned to their previous positions at Tony's joints, also looking for a way to free their unlucky friend. The Captain released the catch of the lever embedded in the hip panel, and twisted it in hopes that it would help. Rather the opposite, nothing happened except for a strange noise coming from the hall.

"What's happening?" Steve asked worriedly. "What did I do? I told you not to let me near this thing! I-"

Clint quickly hushed him in order to listen to the sound. It was like a high pitched whine, mixed with suspicious sizzling. Pepper backed up into the hallway, curiosity peaked, and Natasha and Clint followed behind her.

"Shiiiit!" Clint exclaimed.

"Tony!" Natasha yelled above the growing noise. "_Tony_! TURN IT OFF!"

"TURN WHAT OFF!? NATASHA?"

"_TONYTURNITOFFNOW_!" Pepper screamed hysterically.

Bruce and Steve ran into the hallway. The abandoned gauntlet was alive and kicking, and no one dared to approach it. An intense white beam was focused on the patch of unsuspecting ceiling that was burning into progressively darker shades of _that's-not-good_.

"_Gauntlet_!" Steve relayed to Tony. "The hip lever! Put it back in place!"

"Got it!" the billionaire replied. Seconds later, the whine died away, and the sizzling quieted to a lower volume. The metal glove returned to a dormant state, although both it and the ceiling still released worrisome amounts of smoke. There were a few moments of relieved silence as they shuffled back into the living room. Tony's foot was still in Thor's hands.

Bruce slid back under the knee he had been working on earlier and plucked two loose wires out of the joint. "Hmm," he grunted, thinking. "I'm going to try something. Don't move."

Tony laughed dryly as he left the room. "Very funny."

A few moments later, he returned with a small knife. After repositioning himself under Tony's knee, Bruce grabbed the two wires. "Thor, make sure you keep a good grip on his foot. I don't want it swinging into my face."

"Certainly, friend Bruce."

"Clint, Tasha, you should probably get ready to hold Tony up."

The assassins moved into position and braced their hands on the billionaire's shoulders. Bruce quickly stripped the plastic off the ends of the two wires, and set the knife aside. Then, with one wire in each hand, he touched the two exposed ends together. With a bit of a _fzzapt! _noise, every panel on Tony's left leg from the ankle to the thigh popped off and fell to the carpet with a symphony of metallic clunks. The rest of the boot then slid away easily when Thor tugged gently on it. Without his support, Tony careened backwards into the support that Clint and Natasha's arms had made.

"How'd you know that would work?" Steve asked, sounding a little amazed.

Bruce shrugged. "I had a hunch."

After another hour and a half, they got the rest of Tony's suit off.

Mostly.

**Author's Note:**** Short and sweet, cause I've got work to do! See you soon :)**


	8. Language Updating

**Author's Note:**** So, the idea for this chapter was suggested to me by a friend (and thank you for that!). I hope everyone enjoys it, and if you so desire, I would love to hear what you thought! Cheers :) **

**Also, there is a totally fictional restaurant in this chapter, and if it's not actually made up then I'm sorry okay. Don't know why I thought I had to mention that. Okay bye! **

Modernizing Mother's Drapes

"Friend Steve, has the toasting oven released my Popped Tarts yet?"

"What? Oh. Ah, nope. Not yet Thor."

The god turned back to the television, and readjusted himself on the couch. "Thank you, Friend Steve. You know, I am not sure I quite understand the premise of this so called "What Not to Wear". If these maidens are clothed so poorly, why do they not simply follow the trustworthy guidance of Lady Stacy and Lord Clinton?"

Tony and Bruce, who were sitting in the two armchairs, glanced at each other, then back at Thor. Clint stared unabashedly.

"Thor," the assassin practically whined. "You _so_ need a language update."

"It'll be just like _My Fair Lady_," Tony snickered. "But sort of exactly the opposite, I guess…"

Steve and Natasha strode in from the kitchen, the former carrying a plate stacked with pop tarts, and the latter looking curious and amused. The Captain handed them over to Thor, who looked much happier to be facing the new challenge with his favourite snack nearby.

"What's going on in here?" Natasha asked, dropping down next to Clint.

Bruce leaned back in his chair. "We're going to teach Thor 21st century-speak."

"A worthy mission," Steve approved, fitting himself in between the god and the armrest on the sofa. "I'd be glad to help."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You barely pass as it is, Star-Spangled Man. You call everybody ma'am and you can barely work the coffee maker."

"It's polite, and I missed seventy years_, so it's justified!"_

Natasha saw this as a good moment to step in and stop a debate that was sure to spiral out of control. "Boys, knock it off. Bigger fish here."

"But what is the problem with my speech, Lady Natasha?" Thor finally asked, glancing around at his friends.

Clint, ever-willing to get the job done, answered before anyone else could say a word. "So many things, Thor. So many things."

…

Their task proved more difficult than anyone had originally thought, what with Thor questioning each and every thing that confused him _(but __**how**__ does one get butterflies in one's stomach?)_. But, they had faced fiercer enemies than the English language, and eventually the Avengers (with the help of JARVIS and a Webster's dictionary) managed to convey what they were aiming to (for example:_ we know that we're friends, Thor. You don't actually have to __**say**__ it)_. Although the intricacies of oxymorons and spoonerisms still eluded the god, they counted the whole afternoon as a general win.

Later that evening, the six of them sat around the dinner table enjoying the wonder that is delivery pizza. This had been Thor's final test: to order dinner for the six of them.

…

JARVIS recorded the phone call.

…

_Depressed Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: (sighs) _Pizza Delizioso_, how can I help you?_

_Thor: (aside to Tony) There is a… young man speaking from the plastic device. He- he wants to help me. _

_Tony: (slightly muffled) That's good, Thor. Keep going; you're doing well._

_Thor: (into the phone) Young man, I would like to place an order for pizza._

_Depressed and Exasperated Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: (sighs again) Okay… What size and what kind, sir?_

_Thor: (concentrated) Two… large… peppernonies…_

_(Stifled laughter on Thor's end of the call)_

_Depressed and Confused Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: …excuse me? Did you mean "pepperoni", sir?_

_Thor: (still concentrating) Is that not what I said? Yes, two large pepperononi pizzas, and on half of one, Natasha would like mushrooms and…_

_Natasha: (slightly muffled, but amused) Hot peppers, Thor. Almost done now; you're doing great._

_Thor: (confidence restored) Mushrooms and hot peppers, young man._

_Maybe-Not-So-Depressed-Anymore and Possibly Interested Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: (curious) Is that all sir? _

_Thor: I believe so._

_Probably-Just-Hates-His-Job and Definitely Curious Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: Okay sir. Well, your order comes to 42.89. Will that be cash or credit?_

_Thor: (questioning) Cash?_

_Clint: (slightly muffled and considerably hungry) Cash, Thor. Almost there buddy!_

_Thor: (stating) Cash, young man._

_Amused Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: (snorts) Awesome. And can I get your address please?_

_Thor: (proud) The Avengers tower._

_Amused and Amazed Teenager Working at the Pizza Place: (pleasantly not-actually-so surprised now that he thinks about it) Wow, okay. Your order should be there in about half an hour._

_Thor: (immensely relieved) Thank you, young man. You will go far in life._

_His-Name-Is-Actually-Kyle-if-Anyone-Cares: Uh, thanks. Bye._

_(Hangs up)_

_Thor: (confused) Hello?... Tony, he is gone._

_Tony: (muffled, but still loud) YOU DID IT!_

_(excited cheering)_

_(dial tone)_

…_.._

The dishes were in the process of being cleared away and cleaned. Clint nudged the god of thunder to get his attention, remaining discreet as he spoke quietly.

"Thor?"

"Yes?"

"No more saying _'recompense'_."

…..

**Author's Note: ****Done! Hope everyone liked! I had fun writing the phone call bit :) So can I ask how people would feel about Loki making an appearance in future chapters? Let me know guys!**


	9. Winter Vacationing

**Author's Note: ****I thought that I might take advantage of the lovely (25+ centimetres of snow) weather and crank out this little baby for you. Have fun and I hope you all enjoy!**

A Small Winterlude

It had taken a bit of begging, a pinch of grovelling, and a (not so) tiny dash of bribery on Tony's part, but they had finally done it. The Avengers had convinced Phil Coulson to give them a weekend away from the city, camped out in a log cabin that belonged to SHIELD for training purposes.

(location classified)

…..

_Friday Afternoon_

The seven of them piled through the doorway, shaking snow off of their hair and various down-filled appendages. Everyone was thrilled to be on a holiday that was somewhere Director Fury couldn't get to them (…easily), and so with great vigor, they had loaded themselves into a helicopter earlier that morning. Now, here they were.

Tony was especially ecstatic because he had managed to lure Pepper away from the office to join them. "Come on, Pep. Let's go find our room."

Pepper smiled at him, and after sliding their boots off, the two of them retreated into the cabin to locate their bedroom. Steve and Bruce agreed that after the fifteen minute hike from the helicopter, they needed something hot to drink and somewhere warm to sit, and promptly departed to the kitchen in search of both. Thor followed shortly after, claiming that he had "a great hunger for Popped Tarts". Clint and Natasha, both dressed in matching SHIELD-issued parkas, decided to put their bags away and then go for a walk outside.

As they plodded across the property, Natasha spoke. "You know, I hope this was a good idea. Here, we're all squished even closer together than at home."

Clint laughed. "Nat, we've got two hundred acres to roam around. I think it'll be fine. Besides," he said, halting his walk. "Nothing could be better than a weekend that involves _this_ much snow."

Natasha backed away suspiciously when Clint stooped to the ground and collected a mound of snow in his gloved hands. He straightened and looked at her with a devilish glint in his eyes and a grin slowly broadening on his face.

"Clint…" Natasha warned, still moving away. "Don't you da-"

Her threat was cut off when a perfectly-aimed snowball exploded all over the front of her jacket, some of the cold white powder disappearing down her neck. Clint doubled over laughing at the stunned expression on her face. "I'm s-ssorry Tashahaha! I couldn't hehelp it!"

"You're going down." Natasha used Clint's laughing fit to her advantage by taking a flying leap at him. She effectively tackled him into the snow, pinning him down and shoving snow under his coat. They continued to wrestle, laughing louder and getting progressively colder by the minute. Neither of the two assassins made an attempt to actually win, instead resorting to tactics like tripping and dumping snow on each other. Finally, they called a truce, and after heaving themselves up, Natasha and Clint trudged back to the cabin, hand-in-hand.

"I hope Steve and Bruce have extra of whatever they made."

…

Thor looked up from the TV when the two snow-coated assassins trundled through the door. The god was sprawled out on the enormous couch (which was a frankly horrifying shade of chartreuse), wearing jeans, and a sweater that matched his red and white striped socks, and holding a mug of steaming coffee. This caught Clint and Natasha's attention, and after shedding a few soaked layers, the two of them walked into the cozy kitchen. Bruce and Pepper were cooking something that smelled absolutely delicious, while Steve and Tony sat at the table, both sipping from their own mugs of coffee. Natasha slid into an empty chair while Clint collected two cups and filled them to the brim with blissfully the hot drink. He dropped onto the chair between Tony and Natasha, and slid a mug over to her while sipping from his own.

"It's snowing." Steve observed, looking out the window.

Bruce glanced out as well. "Oh yeah, it's really coming down. That's going to add a lot to what's already on the ground."

Tony "hmm"ed in agreement and stretched his arms above his head. "Is lunch almost done?"

"Nearly," Pepper replied, removing a stack of bowls from the cupboard and laying them out on the counter. "Here you go, Bruce."

The doctor smiled his thanks and continued stirring. A short while later, he ladled a serving of tomato soup and a clump of noodles into each bowl. "Come and get it everybody."

While Thor wandered in from the living room, everyone else gathered up spoons and bowls, and soon the seven of them were sitting down to eat. There were two minutes of silence, permeated only by Clint's slurping and Tony's loud chewing, before Thor was raining compliment after compliment upon "the cooking talents of Bruce and Pepper; master chefs."

Steve ate four bowls of soup.

Natasha told him that what he experienced afterwards was a "food baby".

…..

The rest of the afternoon continued in a blessedly relaxed manner. Several of the Avengers retreated to their beds to have naps or read physics textbooks. To Tony's delight, Pepper and Natasha settled on the sofa to paint each other's toenails. That is, he _was_ delighted until they both threatened to lock him outside in the growing blizzard for making fun of their "femaleness". After that, he slunk away, probably to find some other source of entertainment and definitely to find some alcohol.

It was just getting dark when people began to trickle back into the living room, rubbing sleepily at their eyes and yawning widely. Steve glanced at the couch and suddenly burst out laughing, drawing the attention of Bruce, Thor and Clint. He gestured to the sofa, unable to speak around his laughter. Natasha and Pepper shared a smug grin when the rest of their friends joined in with him. The reason for their laughter was Tony, who had fallen asleep in the nearby armchair an hour ago, smelling a bit like whiskey.

The two girls had then ever-so-carefully painted his toenails fire engine red.

…

_Saturday Morning_

The entire cabin shook, and a blinding white light shot through the windows. Something not unlike a sonic boom echoed around for miles.

Four seconds later, the Avengers woke up.

Clint and Natasha practically bolted out of their rooms, the former nocking an explosive-tipped arrow, and the latter pulling two guns out of thin air. Steve was the next to appear, holding his shield backwards (seemingly without realizing it), while Bruce stumbled out of his room brandishing a lamp and looking a little green around the edges. Tony followed shortly after, slipping two bracelets onto his wrists and tugging a panicked-looking Pepper behind him. They were gathered in the hallway, just shy of the front door, and all still dressed in their pajamas.

"What the hell was that?" Tony hissed.

"I've got no idea," Natasha whispered back. "But it was big."

Steve glanced around, looking worried. "Has anyone seen Thor?"

"Not since last night…" Clint answered, also scanning the group.

There was muffled shouting coming from outside. Slowly, the crowd crept towards the door, listening as the shouting tapered off a little. Steve, ever the leader, inched the front door open with caution, peeking his head through and holding up his shield for protection.

After blinking the initial snow-blindness out of his eyes, the Captain was greeted with the sight of two figures in the middle of the field, about a hundred feet away, standing up and brushing snow off of themselves. The ground appeared to be steaming around them. Steve opened the door fully, gesturing behind his back for everyone to come over and look. The rest of the group stepped forward and gazed out as well. One of the figures was a little bit stockier, while the other was slimmer and maybe even taller. Each time they moved, the sun glinted off of their clothes. The two of them stood there for about a minute before starting a relaxed walk towards the cabin. The occupants of said cabin donned their coats and boots hastily, then trekked outside (keeping their various lamps and weapons with them) to meet whoever was coming their way.

As the two parties drew closer together, it became clear that the stocky one was definitely Thor (who appeared to be dressed in his Asgardian robes), while the taller one still remained nameless. Although, now that they could see him a little better, the group was forming an idea of whom it was.

He was wearing a golden-horned helmet.

….

**Author's Note: ****Haha! You all hate me, right? Not to worry, there will be a second part! I had to do it this way, because really, when am I ever going to get to cliff-hanger you guys again with this? NEVER! That's when. So anyway… yeah. Hope you all liked it, because there's more where that came from :)**


	10. Visitor Hosting

**Author's Note:**** Guys I'm so sorry! SO SORRY. I didn't plan for it to take me this long to update, I swear! Anyway, I will make it up to you somehow. Shall we?**

**P.S. This is chapter ten! Woo!**

An Unexpected Guest, and an Even More Unexpected Turn of Events

or 

How Loki Impressed All the Avengers with His Good Looks and Charm

…..

_Saturday Noon_

Awkward silence.

_Very_ awkward silence.

Out of the eight people in the living room, none of them looked as uncomfortable as Loki, being the sole focus of seven pairs of eyes. And out of those seven, only a mere one of them wasn't looking at him in fear, confusion, hostility or disgust. Even though Thor had patiently explained (over their yelling and thinly-veiled threats) that Loki was a changed man (…god? Whatever), and that being back in Asgard had done him immeasurable amounts of good, the Avengers still harboured some… _unfriendly_ feelings towards the trickster. Understandable, of course. But Loki noticed the way Tony anxiously rubbed at the cuffs on his wrists, and the way that Clint's hands unconsciously hovered close to his heart, as if he was afraid that Loki would produce the scepter from thin air and try to use it again.

"Brother," Thor said, turning towards the trickster sitting in the armchair. "Have you ever tried a "Pop Tart"?"

"Ah… No, I don't believe so."

Natasha stood up abruptly. "I have to pee." she muttered, leaving the room barely after getting the words out.

The room lapsed into silence again, and everyone seemed to be avoiding each other's eyes. Even Thor, just this once, appeared to notice the tension that was practically rolling off of his brother and friends in waves. He wasn't quite sure how to diffuse it, but he would figure it out eventually. He hoped.

"I'm gonna go read." Bruce announced, getting up and edging towards the door.

"Me too," Clint said, following him out. "I love… books."

Steve looked around the room, clearly uncomfortable now that his support was dwindling. "I, um…" he sneezed, and then winced when he realized that it was painfully obvious how fake it was. "I need a tissue."

Four people remained. The silence stretched onwards.

Tony was so restless that his knees hadn't stopped bouncing since they had all sat down. He finally reached critical levels of stress and cracked under the pressure, flying out of the room with a hasty "I have… stuff to do…"

Pepper; bless her, stayed behind on the couch. Of course, she was horribly uneasy with the whole situation. She liked Thor well enough, but she didn't really know him that well, and being alone in a room with him and his adopted brother who had basically tried to take over the planet Earth less than a year ago… well, that wouldn't have been her first choice. She almost let out a small whimper when Thor got up to make Loki a Poptart. As the god of thunder disappeared into the kitchen, Pepper shifted in her seat and rubbed her hands together. Loki sat stiffly (although he appeared a bit more relaxed now that no one was staring at him), looking very out of place in the slightly grungy living room, dressed in metal and leather and a flowing green cape. He had taken off his helmet a while ago, placing it gently on the coffee table. Now he saw Pepper eyeing it curiously, if not with a bit of apprehension.

Loki cleared his throat. "Would you like to see it?" he asked softly.

Even so, Pepper still jumped a bit at the sound of the trickster's voice. "Oh! Well I, um… I, well…" she appeared to be having some kind of internal argument. After a moment, she spoke again, her voice shaking a little less than before. "Sure, I mean if you wouldn't mind."

The trickster smiled, pleased that Pepper seemed to be calming down a bit. He always felt more at ease when others around him were. Loki leaned forward in his seat and pushed his helmet across the table to her. "Of course not."

"Thank you," Pepper replied quietly before carefully picking up the golden helmet and holding it between her palms. She spent a few minutes examining its glossy surface, tracing the detailed grooves on the exterior, and marveling at how light the helmet was. "It's very beautiful."

Loki nodded. "Thank you."

After replacing it on the coffee table, Pepper leaned forward and stretched her hand out to the god. "Pepper Potts," she said, giving him a small smile.

The trickster took the proffered hand without hesitation. "Loki," he said, giving her hand a shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Pepper."

It was a start.

…

_Saturday Night_

Dinner.

And Bruce was absolutely _thrilled_ with Loki.

…..

Just before seven, the doctor had sauntered into the kitchen to get dinner started. Don't let it be said that he was actively _avoiding_ Loki, but simply doing his best to remain inconspicuous throughout the remainder of the evening. So far he had been successful, but upon entering the kitchen Bruce was a little startled to find that the trickster was seated at the table with Pepper, drinking tea and completely at ease.

"Hi…" Bruce greeted, rubbing the back of his neck and feeling ridiculous.

"Doctor Banner," Loki said, raising his hand in a wave. "Pepper tells me that you have quite a talent for the culinary arts."

"Ohh… well, ah. Thanks." Bruce shuffled to the other end of the kitchen and stuck his head in the refrigerator under the pretense of deciding what to make for dinner. Really, he was just sticking his head in the refrigerator to hide. Eventually though, he grudgingly had to retreat back into the kitchen, bringing with him the ingredients for Shepard's pie.

He only just realized that Pepper was speaking to Loki behind him. "Go on," she encouraged softly. "Just ask. It's a nice thought and I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"Very well," came the reply, then the clearing of someone's throat. "Excuse me, Doctor Banner? I was wondering if you'd like some help preparing supper."

Bruce jerked around to face the trickster. His expression was nothing but earnest, and damn if it didn't soften Bruce up just _a little_. "Uh, sure. Why not?"

And so the two men proceeded to make dinner. Loki was charged with the mashed potato side of things, while Bruce took care of the filling. All in all, the preparation went smoothly (even counting the would-be incident of Bruce nearly cutting off a finger because he was too busy staring and being baffled by how at ease Loki seemed in the kitchen), and soon there were four Shepard's pies in the oven (because really, Steve and Thor could probably eat one _each, _and Clint would damn well try). Loki had long-since shed some of his metal and leather layers, and was now left in a simple green tunic and his black pants and boots. This made him look much less imposing, in Bruce's opinion, and honestly it even made the trickster look _approachable_. The same thing could be said for Thor, who looked far more welcoming in a big sweater and jeans than he did in a cape and leather pants.

Then again, did _anyone_ really look good in leather pants?

That was beside the point, however. Bruce found that after he relaxed a little, he began to enjoy himself more. Cooking was always a treasured pastime, and when he had someone else in the kitchen that seemed to get pleasure from it (whether it was Pepper or Steve or Natasha), he couldn't help but throw himself into it fully. And Loki certainly seemed to know what he was doing. They would give each other tips about what spices would be good, tell the other if something was missing in the flavour, and when there was a lull in activity, they would talk about what they liked to cook. Needless to say, dinner went well. As the old saying goes; the way to man's heart is through his stomach, and it remained true for Steve, who was won over by his third helping. He had a weakness for good food.

….

Three down, three to go.

….

_Sunday Morning_

Surprisingly, it was Tony who was the next to befriend the trickster.

Loki had never much been one for childish pastimes, but occasionally he indulged. This happened to be one of those occasions, so while everyone else slept on in the early hours of the morning, he crept outside. The trickster let his thoughts wander as he trudged through the thigh-deep snow, wondering how he would show the rest of the Avengers that he had changed. After he and Thor had returned to Asgard, Loki had stood before Odin on trial. His adoptive father had declared in a booming voice that the trickster was to serve a sentence of one thousand years, and he was thrown into the fortress-like Asgardian prison immediately. Loki, resigned to serving his tedious sentence, was prepared to do what he needed to in order to redeem himself to his home world. After all, Clint Barton hadn't been the first one to test the powers of the sceptre. Indeed, when Loki had fallen off of the Bifrost, he had tumbled through an endless and confusing maelstrom of both time and space, eventually landing in an ungraceful heap on a foreign world, feeling half-dead. A figure had approached him, and through blurry eyes, the trickster could only watch as his free will was taken away right from under his nose. The events following that were just pictures seen from a distance that he had no control over, with jumbles of light and sound mixed in. No one on Asgard knew this of course, so Loki figured that it was best to serve in silence- proving that he hadn't been trying to start an inter-dimensional war would probably take time, without it all sounding like lies.

So truly, it was a shock to see anyone approaching his cell only three days after his trial, and an even bigger one to see that it was Sif, who had never been as close with him as she had Thor. She edged towards the bars slowly, keeping her eyes trained on Loki as he did the same. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, the lady warrior allowed herself a small smile which the trickster returned readily. A friendly face was always welcome in his situation.

"_Thor came to me after your trial," she said, placing her hands on the lock that held the cell closed. "He said that Odin forbade him from going to speak with you, and asked me to come in his stead. Thor believes that your sentence is unjust, and that what happened on Midgard was not your own doing."_

_Loki stared in surprise. How could Thor possibly have guessed that he hadn't been in control of his actions? "What do you mean, Sif?"_

_She looked at him earnestly. "We figured it out, Loki. Thor realized that when he looked into your eyes during the battle, he did not see his brother, but merely someone that looked like you, but was altered on the inside. You were not choosing to act the way you did, and the responsibility of what took place does not belong to you."_

"_Sif…" Loki's shoulders sagged in relief. By forming their own correct conclusions, Sif and Thor could tell the trickster's story without it coming off as lies. _

_She smiled again, brighter this time. "I never believed that you could be capable of such destruction."_

"_It is a relief to have both you and Thor know the truth. But what is to happen now? Will Odin be willing to listen to anything I have to say?"_

_Footsteps echoed from a connecting hallway, drawing closer. "Well, Loki. Thor and I both have spoken to the Allfather…" Sif began, tapping one of her feet in an excited manner. "We told him our theories, and he has agreed to speak to you! Provided that you confirm the story, there is a chance that he may lift your sentence."_

_The incoming footsteps grew louder, and then Thor, led by Odin himself, rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of Loki's cell, next to Sif. For the following hour, the trickster told his story, and anything he could remember from Midgard. The Allfather listened with an impassive face, but with his magic still intact, Loki could sense that he was softening. Eventually, once he had finished his tale, Odin waved his mighty hand, and the door of his cell swung open. Loki was released on the condition that he spend at least four months on Asgard, unaccompanied so long as he did not leave her borders. Following that, Thor would escort him on any trips away from Asgard for two months until Loki was allowed to go where he pleased._

This was how the trickster found himself on Earth after being holed up on Asgard for so long. Without realizing it, Loki had built up a rather impressive snow fortress while he had been reminiscing, with towering walls of gleaming white, and strategically-placed windows for firing snowy ammunition. Being of Jotun blood, he barely felt the cold and had spent at least two hours outside the cabin, not even noticing the passage of time.

"You know," a grudging voice suddenly said from a little ways to his left. "The north wall needs more support from the inner corner."

"Is that so?" Loki asked, raising an eyebrow without turning around.

"Yeah. And while you're at it, you should make the windows deeper."

Tony trudged slowly into view, and began patting snow onto the walls of the fortress with gloved hands. The billionaire worked with a scowl on his face, but Loki couldn't help but share a private grin with himself- it had seemed like Anthony Stark would rather paint the Iron Man suit purple than even think about coming within five feet of the trickster, yet here they were.

After fifteen minutes of quiet work, Tony broke the peaceful silence. "I still kind of hate you, you know."

Loki shrugged. "I can work with that."

"Noted."

Across the snowy field, the door of the cabin opened, revealing Steve, Bruce, Pepper and Clint, all dressed in their winter gear. As the four of them trudged towards Loki and Tony, Clint would occasionally stoop down to form snowballs, and continued to pass them out to the others until they each had an armload of ammo.

Loki was the first to notice the incoming threat. "What is this?" he hissed at Tony, watching as the group crossed the invisible 100-foot line.

Tony glanced over his shoulder, and his eyes flew wide. "Shit! Why didn't you warn me sooner?"

"I only just noticed-"

The trickster was abruptly cut off as the billionaire forcefully dragged him into the fort, then dropped to the ground, hurriedly scooping up snow and pressing it into spherical shapes.

"_Shit shit shit…_" Tony muttered to himself. "We're going to get decimated. What are you- _Why aren't you making snowballs?!"_

Loki rolled his eyes, and without so much as a blink, an enormous mound of perfect snowballs appeared in the fort behind them. Tony's jaw dropped slightly, and the snowball that he was currently making fell out of his hand with a sad _flump_. The trickster crossed his arms and smiled smugly- rendering Tony Stark speechless was not common occurrence, as far as he knew. "But I _have_ made snowballs, Anthony."

"… They should call you Loki of _Sass_gard. Anyway, how do you propose that the _two_ of us win a snowball fight against the _four_ of them?"

With a snap of his fingers, the trickster summoned Thor to this Midgardian version of a battlefield. When the god of thunder appeared next to them, Tony gave a start, but begrudgingly allowed that having him there would put some of the favour on their side.

"Brother!" Thor greeted. "Tony, what evil are we battling this fine day?"

"Friends with snowballs," the billionaire answered, pointing an accusing finger out the fortress window. "Where's Natasha? We need her on our team!"

"Lady Natasha is asleep on the couch. I thought it unwise to wake her."

Tony nodded vigorously. "Good point."

With another peek out the window, Loki noted that Steve, Bruce, Clint and Pepper had formed their own crude wall of snow to hide behind, a mere fifteen feet away from his own fort. It looked as if both sides were well-prepared to fight a long and vicious battle. Suddenly, a fierce cry arose from the other side of that wall, and snowball after snowball began to rain down from the sky near the opposite fortress.

To summarize; it was all-out war from that point on.

…

Clint had a hard time holding a grudge, and if he was honest, Loki had pretty much won him over when the guy managed to take Steve Rogers down with a snowball to the face. The assassin had defected over to the other side after that, and taken Loki's place when he bowed out of the competition gracefully, claiming that three-on-three was more than fair. The snowball fight continued behind him as the trickster walked back towards the cabin. As he grew closer to the squat building, he noticed that Natasha was standing nearby, watching the battle with a smile that slipped away when Loki continued to approach her, instead of heading towards the door. She eyed him warily, recalling the amount of guns she had hidden on her person at that moment. Observing her aggressive stance, the trickster removed his hands from his pockets to show that they were empty, and tried to make himself as non-threatening as possible. Even he could admit that the infamous Black Widow was a formidable woman, and could be downright scary when she wanted to. Very much like Frigga, Loki thought.

"Lady Natasha," he raised a hand in greeting. "How are you today?"

She gave him a cold glare. "Cut the crap, Loki. Why are you here?"

The trickster sighed and rubbed his neck, feeling uncomfortable under her glower. "May I tell you a story?"

She didn't answer, so he took it as a 'yes ' to continue. Before speaking, Loki waved his hand and made a beautiful golden bench appear in the snow before them. He sat, and invited her to do the same, but the deadly assassin declined with a sharp shake of her head, so he began his tale. He started from the very beginning; his childhood on Asgard, feeling inferior to Thor, and always being alone with nothing but his magic. As the story progressed, Natasha's face softened little by little, and eventually she joined him on the bench to listen with rapt attention. Loki told her of the events that had brought him to Earth for the first time, and the ones that led him there a second time. If you asked him later, he wouldn't be able to tell you why he spilled the whole tale to a Midgardian woman he barely knew, but somehow he felt that she was a kindred spirit. It was also the first time anyone had heard his story from beginning to end, without any lies obscuring the truth.

It felt good.

…

_Sunday Night_

The arrival of dinnertime found the Avengers and guest seated around the fire in the living room, warming up and drying off the evidence of their day in the snow. Bruce and Steve were seated next to each other in separate armchairs, while Pepper and Tony sat on the loveseat to their left. Natasha and Clint were curled up at one end of the hideous sofa, and Thor sat on their other side, sandwiched between them and Loki. Natasha may not have warmed up to the trickster completely, but they had reached an understanding that afternoon and it was good enough for now. Quiet conversations were the background noise to the pleasant atmosphere that was filling the room, and the general opinion was that their weekend winter vacation had been pretty successful. With a yawn, Tony stretched his feet out to the coffee table and sunk further down into the couch beside Pepper. Loki squinted at the man's toes in confusion, curious as to why they looked so odd.

"Anthony, why are your toenails bright red?"

…

**Author's Note: ****Okay, there you have it! WOW that chapter really got away from me! I think this is the longest EVER like seriously. Anyway, I will apologize once more for taking such a bloody long time to update this, and tell you that I have a lot of new ideas for chapters. (Fingers crossed I actually get them done). I'll see you all in chapter eleven, I guess :)**

**P.S. Loki's not gonna be a regular character from now on, but he'll make the occasional (and hilarious) appearance.**


	11. Firearm Stowing

**Author's Note:**** I'm back in the swing of things, everyone! I hope I didn't lose you all after the looooooong wait. It's finally time to get back to the Tower for your daily dose of hijinks!**

…**..**

Why it is Wise to Housebreak Your Master Assassins

Tony was the first to wake, as per the norm. He rubbed his eyes blearily, rolled out of bed, and rode the elevator down to the common floor in search of breakfast to satisfy his gurgling stomach. As the billionaire shuffled down the carpeted hallway, he noticed the brown coffee stain on the floor from last Christmas and idly pondered his sad lack of cleaning robots. Eventually Tony reached the kitchen, and headed straight for the cupboard in which he kept his Frosted Flakes. He simultaneously pulled both the box and an empty bowl down from the shelf, and placed them on the counter while he retrieved the milk and a spoon. To his disappointment, only a single flake of cereal went tumbling out of the box when it was tipped over the bowl, and made Tony grimace when it clattered around the porcelain. Sighing, he opened the cupboard again and saw a box of Cheerios at the back, which seemed better than nothing. The yawning billionaire dragged the box out of the cupboard and all but upended it over his bowl. Along with the cascade of falling cereal, a 9mm pistol slid out of the box and into the dish, getting covered up by a few more Cheerios until Tony finally snapped out of his surprised trance.

"What the-" he grunted, shoving aside some cereal to look at the gun. "_What_?"

Just then, Steve wandered in from down the hall, only to stagger to a halt as he did a double take at the offending item in Tony's breakfast.

"Tony..?"

"I don't even know."

Choosing to ignore the ever-growing weirdness that was his life, Tony simply picked the pistol up and deposited it on the counter, and continued to make his cereal like nothing had happened. Steve shrugged to himself and went to get a glass of orange juice, half-wondering if he would find throwing knives hidden amongst the cheese. Bruce arrived a short time after that, seeking coffee and anything edible.

"Hey Tony," he said, placing the filter into the machine. "This light above the counter is burnt out. Tell me where the new bulbs are and I'll change it."

"It has been for a long time, but I keep forgetting to do it," the billionaire looked up from his Cheerios, a small dribble of milk running down his chin. "Uh… check the cupboard on the left of the fridge. I think that's where the spare ones are."

"I got it," Steve said, who was already standing at said appliance.

He opened the door to the cupboard, scanning the shelves for light bulb boxes. The first one he opened was full of bullets, as was the second one. Feeling distinctly confused, Steve placed them on the counter beside the pistol, and continued to search for a new bulb. When he finally found one, he handed it to Bruce, who put down his steaming mug of coffee in order to unscrew the old bulb. He reached up towards the socket and felt around for the burnt out light, but instead his hand closed around heavy and rectangular. The doctor removed the mystery object and brought it out into the open, revealing its true identity as a Taser.

"Why is this _here?"_ he exclaimed to no one in particular.

Tony shrugged at the same time as Steve, and pointed at the growing pile of weaponry. "Just put it over there with the other stuff. We have no idea where it's coming from."

"And it doesn't worry you?" Bruce asked incredulously.

"Nah. There's usually a good explanation for the things that go on around this place."

A large but muffled thud came from the hallway, followed by the sound of Thor… being Thor.

"This rug has been most disrespectful to me, my friends," he declared huffily, dragging the offending rug into the middle of the kitchen. "It has thrown a prince of Asgard to the ground and must be punished."

Steve clapped a hand to the god's shoulder and guided him to a barstool. "Take it easy there, buddy. You get a little unreasonable when you're flustered."

"You also start talking Shakespearian again." Tony added as a side note.

"Look at this, guys." Bruce said, holding the carpet up backwards. There was thick black material velcroed to the underside of the rug, seeming like it really didn't belong there. "Are these bullet-proof vests?"

Tony took a closer look and nodded. "They sure are. Stark Industries-made, which is fine but weird…"

"Seriously," Steve agreed.

The four vests were added to the counter beside the Taser, bullets and 9mm. There were no throwing knives, but Steve _did_ find a few throwing stars taped to the back of curtains above the sink. Those were dropped onto the pile as well. By the time the four men had finished _actively _looking for more mysterious weapons, there were two grenades on the counter, as well as a steel baton, three .45 glocks and several magazines, the dagger that was stuck to the side of the toaster, five odd cans of pepper spray, two gas masks and _really? _a pair of brass knuckles.

"Okay, how the hell did this stuff get here?" Tony muttered.

"This is most puzzling," Thor decided. "Perhaps Clint and Natasha may know the source of these weapons."

The kitchen was silent until Bruce slapped himself in the forehead. "We live with two S.H.I.E.L.D.-trained assassins! Of course there are weapons hidden everywhere."

Steve looked thoughtful and then nodded in unison with Tony. "Clint and Nat are a bit paranoid at times," the Captain conceded. "I guess they just want to make sure that all their bases are covered."

"But why my kitchen?" the billionaire groaned.

"Because we wanted to make sure that you dipshits would be safe," Natasha said, striding into the room with a smirk playing on her lips. "You're welcome."

Clint entered the kitchen behind her, and looked dismayed at seeing all of his stuff lying out on the counter. _"_Guys! Do you know how long it took us to hide all that stuff?" he sunk into a chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

Natasha leaned on the counter next to him and picked up the dagger, turning it over in her hands. "You missed the remote-activated smoke screen that's hidden in the ceiling light."

Tony dragged a hand over his face and grinned. "I told you there had to be something up there, Bruce."

The doctor shrugged. "So I was wrong. It's been known to happen."

"You know," Clint interrupted. "As soon as you're all gone, me and Nat are going to hide all of that stuff again."

"I figured." Steve replied, laughing. "I'm going to work out, if anyone wants to join."

Thor got up to follow him. "I would enjoy a good rematch of the week before last's training session, Captain."

As the two of them left, Bruce took his coffee and went into the living room to watch TV. Tony turned towards Clint and Natasha and watched as they pawed through their miniature armoury. He huffed and rolled his eyes good-naturedly, because if those two ridiculous assassins wanted to waste their time protecting this bunch of weirdos… well more power to them. He left to join Bruce in watching _Friends_, but not before leaving Natasha and Clint with a few parting words.

"No more guns in my cereal."

…

**Author's Note:**** Relatively short, but there you go! More on the way soon :)**


End file.
